Saturday, April 06, 2013

‡ Sincerity ‡

The digital calendar on my laptop shows April 06, 2013 for today.
Even though the countdown to 2014 is too early to do right now, I actually start to think where I will lead myself to before this year ends.

Apparently March has been quite a good yet complicated month for me. Why?

I went to Music Bank in Jakarta on 9 March, referring to my previous post. I got to see almost all of my most favorite K-Pop idols in one night. Live, people, live. It's definitely unforgettable for me!
My little brother had his 15th birthday on 12 March and he will go to senior high school this year. Hooray for him!
I celebrated my first work anniversary on 26 March. Yes, it's been a year since I started to work at my current office. Talking about being comfortable and all with work life, eh?

Meanwhile I also faced three not-so-big turnout of events in March as well. It's not that fascinating but I'm still going to write here anyway. I'm such a stubborn blogger.

First of all, about this passion in working. I mentioned about this before and I'm still unsure with myself.
It's not that I don't like my job; surrounded by good friends, challenged by many questions, facing the different colleagues, and developing my skills as well.
This job is not bad and I'm lucky to have it but... let's just say I'm not fully into it. No, I'm working sincerely every workday but, well, it's like the feeling you got a pretty expensive dress as a present yet it's not your favorite. Kind of like that.

Next is me trying to be more girly. Nahhh, I'm not your typical girl who loves to go shopping for dress, cosmetics, shoes, or doing facial treatment stuff. I'd rather go to bookstores and spend hours on books and writing.
However, as my age increases every year, it's like life has been demanding on changes for me. Perhaps it's just me being paranoid but, well, what can I do when I'm surrounded by friends who grow up to take care of themselves so much more?
My father once said that I was too ignorant with myself. I should take care of my face, hair, body, and all if I wanted to get married one day. My grandmother said somehow the same; possibly because I'm the only daughter in family and I have no interest in spending money for beauty.

I'm turning 22 this year and the frequency of attending formal events increases. Since I'm not really young anymore (this is me telling myself), it's not like girls are good enough to go anywhere for formal events without special features like make-ups and all.
To be honest, I have no idea how to use scotch and mascara. I have no idea why I should use blush or eyeliner. All I really have are just powder and lip gloss (which I rarely use).
Some of my friends have the tendency to do nail arts, body spa, etc that I can't even mention one by one. Sometimes I think whether I should be one or not.

Well, as I'm saying, I need to take a look more about myself. Not to be as girly as girl could be because I'm just failed to be one. Or maybe it's not the time yet.

As for the last one, like what this post title said, I understand a little bit more about sincerity.
What is sincerity anyway? How can I define it in words? Let me try.

Like the feeling when you prepare a birthday surprise for your mother and not even complaining about how much money you need to spend for her without people asking you to do it, it's sincerity.
When you join a charity project just because you want to make the kids smile happily, it's sincerity.
It's like when you help your friend with their overloaded tasks without him/her asking you to, so that your friend would not be stressed with life, it's sincerity.

In my case, it's like loving sincerely.
Not demanding anything at all. Can't hate the person no matter what. Feeling happy that your love finally find someone else which is not you. Tears of happiness when the person smiles for someone else. Praying for nothing but blessings for the person.
It sounds so foolish and stupid, I know, but that's that.

Okay, stop spoiling my silly slice of mind here.
April is here and unexpected things will probably come this month!

Prepare your life for more surprise and live your life to the fullest. ;)

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