Monday, October 17, 2016

‡ It Takes Time ‡

Life is funny, isn't it?

One minute you convince yourself that it's gonna be a good day but you'd probably end up crying to sleep.
Another day you tell yourself that nothing would make you smile but you get what you call the best day of your life.

Because life is like that.

You're allowed to plan, to think, to believe.
However the universe works on its own way, whether you like it or not.

So let me tell you a story.

About a girl who tried to understand how the world tried to play her role.
About someone who thought she could be better if she held back every single thought in mind for herself.

She was very good with words.
Not extraordinary, but fairly good enough.
She was good with expressing her feelings in writings. People acknowledged it.
And she was happy to know that.
But, no, she never finished a dream of publishing a book with her name on the cover.

She was friendly. Oh, yes, she had a bunch of friends.
Because she was a good listener and her friends often mentioned about how mature she was despite the fact that she's younger than all of them.
She would laugh it off as she felt proud of it.
But, oh, how she wanted to cry every single day with all the thoughts haunting her on day and night.

She loved many things.
Simple but not always as they seemed.

She liked sweets but didn't eat all desserts.
She liked movies but refused to have what people wanted to watch.
She liked books as it took her to another universe in mind.
She liked pretty stuffs but didn't want to wear them.

And that's exactly why she hated to fall in love.

Because it's so beautiful that she knew she would break it into pieces.

She wanted love, of course.

But she could not get it the way she thought she would.
Remember, universe doesn't work with our way.

Somehow she wanted to change.
She wanted to publish a book of her dream.
She wanted to open up a little bit more to friends she trusted.
She wanted to be less picky as how she was.

And she wanted to love.

She wanted to make her significant one to be happy.

But all of these took time.

So she wondered if time would ever be enough for her.

And she secretly prayed that it's not just a wishful thinking.

Because she had so much in mind.

New Year. Valentine. Anniversary. Her birthday. Holiday. His birthday. Christmas. All moments of togetherness.

She wished he would give her time.

She wished she would be answered with a smile that told her, "It's alright. I'll be waiting."

Then again, life's funny. And she laughed bitterly when there's no more smile to greet her.

Instead she received the letter of apology.

Yet, still, in the broken mind of hers, she repeated to herself.

"It takes time."

Now, as the words of regret suffocated her, she returned to her old self as time would not wait for her or anybody else.

And the Earth won't stop rotating for her.

Even if she wrote a million of words, nothing would change.

Yet at the corner of her mind, the words stayed as she started to lose the faith.

"It takes time."

Now that I have told the story here, I am asking myself of 29 May.

Ah, I brought up problem to myself, I realize.

It's a mess. A beautiful mess. A heartbreaking one, yes, I believe.

But, still, a beautiful mess.

Of love.

Because all I really wanted to say is "Don't leave me."

But it doesn't matter anymore.

Does it?