Sunday, December 31, 2017

‡ Memories of 2017 ‡

The curtain of 2017 is going to fall.

My 2017 has been such a ride of surprises; be it good or... not so good.
This year's review might not be as detail as the previous review but I'll write my best in this post for sure!

To start with, I'm very sorry (again) for not posting much in the past 12 months here.
My time management has been so rusty that I think I'm having trouble to get it back but, yes, I'm trying.
Trust me, I'm still trying until now.

So, here we go!
(Psst, I'd probably give more pictures than usual to cover up my lack of words in description this year. Bear with them!
But I'll update the pictures frequently as I haven't prepared them enough at the moment)

For  previous references: 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015| 2016


My 2017 started with a Sunday Mass with Monica and accompanying her to watch a movie.

Then on 4th, I had my first 2017 flight to Semarang for work and then returned to Jakarta on 8th.
On 12th, I had dinner meetup with Agatha, Hilda, and Livia at The Cafe - Hotel Mulia. It's such a pleasant experience indeed!

On 14th, an event happened and I still remembered it all too well, just right before my flight to Singapore for holiday on the next day. Yep, I spent 4 days 3 nights in Singapore on 15-18 January 2017 with Jeanette and Valentcia! We also managed to meet with a good friend of mine there, Ila.

Nothing much happened in January except from some emotional debate within myself which lasted until the early February.

Why Him?, La La Land, xXx: Return of Xander Cage, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, Monster Trucks


The second month of 2017 kicked off with a sprinkle of emotional drama in heart. Let's just say I'm not as logical as I thought; should I say I'm quite naive?

On 12th, I enjoyed a karaoke night with Monica, Very, and Wien! Been a while and I don't really remember why we ended up together that day.

Anyhow, I also ended up celebrating my Valentine's Day with Monica at Little Ubud, having dinner together.
And, yes, I had more days to spend with here after February. You'll see.

A Dog's Purpose, Kungfu Yoga, Journey to the West: The Demons Strike Back, Lion, Split


The first wedding party I attended in 2017 is Surya and Norita's on 5th. Also celebrated my youngest brother's 19th birthday on 12th.
And there's a belated birthday surprise for February girls in MPH, Fenny and Valentcia, on 18th at Flip Burger.

I spent the end of March in Cikarang for a new project with a German Company. It's such an interesting one as I should communicate with them in English and new acquaintances indeed! All of them are really friendly!

Museum (Japanese), Logan, Kong: Skull Island, Galih & Ratna, Hidden Figures, Beauty & The Beast, The Devil's Candy, Life, Danur


It's a very busy month for me as I needed to prepare for a Go Live. I spent most of my nights at coffee shop (Starbucks? No, I don't drink coffee though) to finish some tasks that I could have finished if I was better in time management.
Yep, I dragged myself to nowhere so early in the year.

Managed to meetup at some of my friend at PIK on 16th, since Jeanette had not been in Jakarta for a while.

Then on 28-29-30 April, my team spent the midnights together to prepare for the Go Live. There were a LOT of funny things happened at the moment that I really couldn't share here for the sake of our images. lol

Ghost in the Shell, Get Out, Miss Sloane, The Fate of the Furious, Stip & Pensil, The Boss Baby, The Guys, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2


I celebrated the first of May at my client's office, together with Hani, Frendy, and Ricky (I usually call him 'Ko Jreng' though). We returned from there at 6 in the morning and, no, I didn't catch my sleep afterwards! I dashed off to Sunter with Mom later before hitting the bed in the afternoon.
Apparently my skill to keep awake still exists -- no, I shouldn't be proud it, should I?

On 9th though I read a news that made me frown regarding a verdict that I found unfair. I am not into politic but, for the first time, I found the definition of justice should be questioned.

I had my very first musical stage experience on 14th, watching West Side Story at Taman Ismail Marzuki! It's magical, really. I would love to have another experience next time.

And May would definitely be my most memorable month of 2017 because...


Yep, my trip to Taiwan with Monica, from 20-27 May 2017, of which I haven't finished writing down the details yet (part 1 here, part 2 here).
Would I want to visit Taiwan again if I have a chance?
A big YES!

Oh, I also got my first birthday cake surprise from family on 27th, upon my return after the trip. Yes, you read it well, the first. I am usually the one who got the cakes for birthday persons at home.

I was sincerely surprised!

Seteru, The Circle, Critical Eleven, Unlocked, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword


On early days of June, there's not much happening around except my Mom's birthday on 4th, then an eMpTy's meetup on 10th of which Delbert and Fenny joined for a (successful) belated birthday surprise at The Bunker. Thanks again!

Success surprise, people!

Also celebrated my Dad's Chinese birthday on 11th, had a meetup with my reverse-random-family (don't ask what it means) on 12th at PHX Grogol -- our last meetup is 30 April 2015!

Faking laughter enough? lol

Then on 14th to 16th, it's office outing time!
We spent 3 days and 2 nights at Bandulu, from discussion to games, been a while since we actually spent time altogether.
Oh, my best memory is indeed having David being the "superstar" at night session. He's such a dork that I wanted to punch and befriend at the same time.

On 18th, another event that caused another emotional struggle happened again.
You see, I learned things in hard way sometimes but, at that day, all I wanted to say is only four-words.

"For everything, thank you."

I had two more first-time-experiences on June: Museum Benteng Heritage on 24th and a staycation at Aviary Bintaro on 30th. I recommended both of them!

The Lost City of Z, The Mummy, Detective Conan: Crimson Love Letter, Wonder Woman, The Whole Truth, Transformers: The Last Knight, Sweet 20, Insyaalah Sah


I really had nothing much to tell on July except that 16th is one of the biggest turning points in 2017 for me.
You see, I always thought that I know myself very well but, turned out, I was wrong.

Anyway, there's also a heartbreaking news on 20th, of which Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park, had gone from the world. As I said on my Instagram, I might not be a big fan of him but I grew up listening to his voice. Such a good soul to be remembered.

On 22nd, I met up with some of my colleagues for Sate and then had fun at The Bunker (I'm currently enjoying board game with friends, actually).
On 23rd, I spend a day to watch Mobile Legend tournament at Gandaria City -- I don't look like one of good players, do I?
On 30th, I attended BEKRAF Game Prime 2017 at Balai Kartini Jakarta. It's an unique experience actually and, by unique, I mean I enjoyed it.

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Baywatch, Dunkirk, War for the Planet of the Apes


My brother, Erric, was graduated on 1st!

I attended the second day of The 4th ASEAN Literary Festival at Kota Tua on 4th,
accompanied both my brothers upon their participation for Rubik's Cube Indonesian Championship on 6th,
received my belated birthday presents from MPH on 15th (I like the bag and dress very much!),
gave a super belated birthday pancake to Monica on 20th at The Bailey's and Chloe,
and had my another first-time-experience on 24th: Gin Tonic.

I am not into alcohol, nope, and I don't like beer, but on one Thursday evening with Hani, accompanying the clients from German, I managed to have five (I guess) glasses of Gin Tonic and I actually like it...? lol

Oh, and I actually had the early visit to AEON Mall Jakarta Garden City on 17th... for work, of course. So, yes, I've seen the ferris wheel, but never got into it yet.

Annabelle: Creation, The Battleship Island, Bad Genius, American Made


Back to Cirebon. Yep, I was back to Cirebon with new team members for a new project.
It became my first-time-experience to book Airy Room there and, trust me, there are a LOT of stupid things we did back there.
Including missing our morning train. Such an epic one, indeed. lol

Attended Mew and Raisa's wedding party on 2nd and Yohanes and Susi's wedding party on 9th; both the grooms are my colleagues at work.

I became a bridesmaid for the third time on 17th for Alvin and Liani's wedding. The night before is such a full-of-laughter night; perhaps due to the fact that the bridal party (groom, bride, bestmen, bridesmaids) knew each other already!

My September closed with another wedding party of which, for my surprise, one of the bestmen is my best friend and also my colleague, one of the bridesmaids is also my good friend and my ex-colleague. What a small world!

Warkop DKI Part 2, Baby Driver, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, It, Gerbang Neraka, Pengabdi Setan


Now, October is definitely the most... what word should I use to describe it?
Every feeling is mixed up in this tenth month of 2017 and I can't really find a word in my dictionary to define the experiences.

I attended Marlon and Felicia's holy matrimony -- the bride is my friend from junior high school and there is a very lovely quote I heard at that day.

"Remember, love stays if only you let it be."

However things went out from my expectations on the evening. I couldn't really break the details here but, well, things were supposed to be wrapped up on 7th.

Because on 9th to 13th, I spent a week at Cikarang with Hani for the Go Live -- remember Gin Tonic? lol.
I tried a shot of (local) Tequilla on 12th and, thank God, Hani is my partner for the project. She's my first partner for my first project at my current office so, somehow, we managed to be good friends?
For the professional and personal help during the week, thank you so much, Hani!

14th is officially the very twisted day of my 2017.
Within hours, a lot of things happened, from the most expected to the least unexpected.
Luckily I have some good friends to help me. Literally help.

Then again a happy day on 15th is a must to celebrate: wedding party of Antony and Rufina, one of my "daughters" -- again, do not ask. lol

On 18th, our project schedule in Cirebon had ended.
On 19th, I started the weekly Thursday badminton schedule with my colleagues! It's actually fun that I tried my best not to miss the Badminton-Thursday -- or whatever I should call it.

David is my most favorite-unfortunate-partner though. We never win if we play together yet we like to play at least a game together on Thursday. Strange? Trust me, he's stranger than you could think of. In a good way of being a friend, of course. lol

On 20th I had my new first-time-experience: Escapade to Bandung on train by myself! I visited Trans Studio Bandung and Chinatown Bandung also. Such a good day to escape, indeed.

Bedrock crews!
And I kept telling myself during this month: "Forgive yourself".

I made a lot of people worried about me. Like, a lot.
And I feel so sorry even until now.

Blade Runner 2049, The Promise, Jomblo, Happy Death Day, Thor: Ragnarok


You see, my trouble from 14th of October still continued to November.
And, oh my, I wondered why on the 14th this month I also experienced something so unusual and strange that I couldn't help but keep wondering about it until this very moment.

Okay, back to my trouble.
How bad was it? You could say it's severe enough, I guess.
I lost my appetite, my sleeping time only ranged for 4-5 hours and I usually woke up all of a sudden, and it led to GERD on 10th. However I was reminded that I was so blessed with all the care.

I attended Fery and Cindy's wedding on 11th,
unfortunately failed to attend Josef and Stheresia's wedding on 12th but I met up with some old friends from HIMSISFO for 5-hour karaoke,
spent time at KUUP Board Game Cafe on 18th which continued to karaoke with my colleagues.

Play as much as we can!

Due to several unknown reasons, I fell sick on 25th -- from migraine to fever to cough to sprue to bleeding gums.
By I mean bleeding, it happened constantly and it's so uncomfortable.
I could wake up with blood in my mouth -- yep, so not pretty to look or listen.

Posesif, Justice League, Chasing The Dragon, Coco, Daddy's Home 2


Again, December has always been a complicated month to close the year.

My first day this month opened up with a good moment but closed with a complex matter.

A lot of things happened, talked, discussed;
not only my emotional struggle but also applied for family, work, and friendship matters.
I seriously need to remind myself to cope up with everything calmly -- which is really difficult for me.

I honestly hope I'm not complaining too much here.
Pardon me if you feel that way though.

Anyway, in December a very great event was also celebrated!
On 2nd, the bridal shower.
On 3rd, the Sangjit ceremony.
On 17th, the wedding mass.
On 23rd, the wedding party.

Two of my seniors at office got married! I was so glad I could help them at some occasions. ;)
Live happily ever after, Ko Ivin and Ci Fanie!

A best friend of mine since junior high school also got married on 3rd: Denny and Silvia.

On 18th, my office had an annual meeting of which we got ourselves prepared for the new year.
Also on the evening, a heartbreaking news hit me.

SHINee's Kim Jonghyun left the world and it's due to depression.
I couldn't talk much about it but I do know that depression is real and painful and dark.
Please rest in peace, Jonghyun.

MPH had a (incomplete) Christmas dinner on 23rd afternoon!

Pretty neat, aren't we?
As for the Christmas Day itself, I met up with Monica and Wien for dinner and movie time.
On both  22nd and 29th, I spent my Friday nights with colleagues at KUUP Board Game Cafe again! So much of board games for the year!

And, now, at the moment, on 31st, I'm currently at the office, completing this blog post, accompanied with Enceil and Matthew. It's the first time I actually spent my New Year's eve for work and, hey, with good team it doesn't feel that bad!


Murder on Orient Express, Satu Hari Nanti, Wonder, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Susah Sinyal, Ayat-Ayat Cinta 2, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, The Greatest Showman


Well, that's a wrap for my 2017!
I'm going to look forward for what 2018 has in store for me.

Have a wonderful New Year's Eve, everyone!

Friday, December 01, 2017

‡ Almost ‡


One word that can actually haunt us longer than we want it to be. 
One word that can make you remember hidden emotions.
One word that can bring you smile and tears at the same time.

Have you ever been in an almost relationship?

We Didn’t Date So Why Did It Hurt So God Damn Badly


We didn’t date. I didn’t need that spelled out for me.

I felt it every time I the words ‘just friends’ came out of my mouth. The words tasted bad but I couldn’t lie about what we were and I couldn’t pretend to be something we weren’t.

The problem with feelings and matters of the heart though is your heart does not give a fuck whether or not there is some label there. Your heart decides and that’s it. Suddenly you’re at the whim of making irrational choices that can only be justified because you love this person.

People argued it wasn’t real love. They say love is that which is reciprocated. Love is that which leaves you whole and not empty. That real love doesn’t hurt.

I don’t think love can be so simply defined. I don’t think it’s black and white. I think there are a lot of grey areas that gets lost and not talked about just because it isn’t the typical standard of what love is supposed to be in the eyes of everyone watching.

We didn’t date but I still looked at you like you were the best thing that happened in my life. Because at the time you were.

Every conversation. Every laugh. Every moment spent together where I envied anyone that took up your time that wasn’t me.

I missed you before you even said goodbye and wished I could freeze moments.

We didn’t date but I still compared you to everyone I met. And they always fell short of these expectations I suddenly had in someone.

Because it wasn’t just opening my door and paying for some tab or making sure I walked on the inside of the sidewalk, it was the respect you had for me.

In everyone I met it was you I was looking for only to realize someone like you couldn’t be replicated.

We didn’t date but my heart still raced every time we were in the same room and every time your name appeared across my phone. There wasn’t a smile bigger than the one you brought to my face.

We didn’t date but I still talked about you like you put the stars in the sky. Because you really did change my life so much for the better.

We didn’t date but you were everything I wanted so badly at one point. If people were interested in me I didn’t even notice because you had every bit of my attention.

And it didn’t matter what we were or rather weren’t, I was just happy to have you in my life. I was happy to have your time and attention even if it came few and far between sometimes.

Then suddenly everything changed with one conversation.

It’s the conversation that defines what you are and what you’ll never be. The conversation that depletes any hope of anything every happening in a future that will never be. The conversation that suddenly makes every encounter after that awkward.

Once every card is laid out and everything is talked about there is no hiding how you feel. There’s no secrecy or wondering. There is no hope. And you’re overcome with guilt for falling so hard like it was all your fault.

Then you have to get over it.

But how do you even heal and get over someone who wasn’t yours to begin with?



I sat in airport with a ticket like flying 10,000 miles away thinking that would make me forget him and how I felt. If anything it made it worse. I realized no matter where I went or how many airports I’d find myself in, during those few months, he was everywhere. Haunting my in a way. Found in street corners and gift shops.

When you love someone, they don’t leave just because you did. You take them with you.

I realized eventually I was going to have to face this head on. I was going to have to get over it. And there wasn’t going to be anyone comforting me because they all saw it coming and they were entitled to say I told you so.

When you fall for someone you aren’t dating you are blinded with rose colored lenses while everyone else wants to warn you that you shouldn’t do this, as if it was a choice you got to make.

You don’t pick who you love and you sure as hell don’t have a say in when it stops.

Real relationships have this start and end period. Concrete dates to look back at of how long it’s been. Concrete feeling that were mutual at one point. But almost relationships just have a bunch of grey areas and nothing defined and lines that drawn and rewritten. It’s games played and mixed signals and confusion.

Whether the other person wants to admit it or not I think feelings are present a least a little bit. Even almost relationships can’t be maintained if it’s just one sided and one person’s interest. For any relationship to last even if it’s just an emotional connection it requires the effort of both parties.

When those relationships end we put it all on ourselves thinking we were stupid and it was our fault we felt that way. But nothing is ever all yours to own entirely.

You look back at moments and you can’t believe you said the things you did or acted the way you did. But that’s love for you. If you aren’t being a complete fool and going to absurd lengths, I question if you really love the person.

We didn’t date but there were still nights I was crying myself to sleep at night.

We didn’t date but there were still moments where I’d do anything to numb the pain I was feeling.

We didn’t date but everything about him hurt like any other relationship I had actually been in.

Pain does not discriminate. And it doesn’t hurt any less just because you never dated. Sometimes that factor alone makes it hurt more.

I didn’t realize it was love every time those words drunkly slipped out of my mouth with goodbye.

I realized I loved him when all that pain hit me at once realizing what we’d never be.

Love is to happiness as heartbreak is to depression.

And I watched myself turn into this version I didn’t even know nor could I recognize. It hurt like hell because even if there wasn’t some label to it I couldn’t deny that everything I felt was so real.

We didn’t date but I don’t think I’ve ever experienced pain so badly in my life.

We didn’t date but I was barely eating sleeping or functioning because it hurt so badly.

And I had to present it to the world like I wasn’t feeling these things so heavily. I had to face everyone like I wasn’t falling apart inside. I had to carry on like getting through 24 hours was easy. But the reality was I dismissed myself often to breakdown and cry alone. And I couldn’t talk about it because what do you even say?

The hardest part of getting your heart broken by someone you didn’t date is when they want things to go back to what they were and you want to be strong but everything about their presence makes you weak. Part of you wants to say, ‘I need time to get over you. I need time to heal.’ But then you think that’s selfish.

You don’t want to lose them in your life but it hurts like hell standing in front of someone who isn’t yours when you are so in love with them.

It hurts like hell watching them love someone else and you have to just put on a brave face and stand there.

It hurts like hell playing the role they need you to but you love them enough to hurt yourself and do just that.

Because the truth is what they taught you most about love is how selfless it is sometimes.

You love someone and you want them to be happy even if it doesn’t include you.


Original article: here

Credit for the image(s) goes to the original owner(s)

Saturday, October 28, 2017

‡ Thread of Love ‡

Love has been compared to everything.
Jewel, glass, firework, paper, light switch.

However I'm not going to talk about those analogies in this post.
I will think of a relationship as a thread.
This is one of the most favorite analogies to be used, of course.

When two persons are in a relationship, each of them is holding on the different side to keep the thread on balance.

When you pull the thread more to your side, it will cause a change in the balance that you have kept together.
But, no, it's not a problem if both of you agree to move along.

Remember, they keyword is both.

Therefore the thread will never stays the same.
It will move, it will change, and it will be tangled from time to time.

When two sides argue, the thread will be messed up by words, tears, and emotion.
Words will tangle the thread, making it not comfortable to hold on.
Tears will make the thread heavier to carry on. 
Emotion will cause the thread to be painful to keep.

You can cut the thread so both sides are relieved by the thread;
a thread so different from the first time when you promise to keep in your hand carefully.
It's messy, heavy, and painful.
Some even said that sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.

Or you can spend your times to untangle the thread,
to learn how to carry the heavier thread,
to understand why it's so painful,
and to find a way for both sides to keep the thread balance again.

If one side holds the thread too low because the person is already tired of holding it,
can the thread be kept for two?

If one side wants to untangle the thread slowly but the other side is impatient to wait,
should they keep holding on it?

If one side decides to cut the thread while the other one still clings onto it,
who actually lost a treasure?

Of course, people can say that there is a better, more beautiful thread waiting for you to hold on.
However when you feel that a love is worth to fight for, there is no such thing as a better thread.

There is only a precious thread to hold, to keep, to love by two sides.

Again, the keyword is two.

So if one side decides to let go of the thread and lock it in their shelf,
the thread is nowhere to be found. 

This applies not only for a romantic relationship;
I think a thread of love between two best friends who care a lot about each other also exists.

Do you think the same?


For every happiness, I thank you.
For every mistake, I apologize.
For everything, I forgive you.

I wish you a happy journey of life.
Things will never be the same anymore but, for whatever reason, let's be happy.