Wednesday, December 31, 2014

‡ Book of 2014 ‡

One page to another page, and finally we have reached the very final page of the book titled "2014".
Day by day, so many things happened, both the good and bad, the happy and the sorrow.
All of all, just like what I always do in the end of the year, here goes the quick recap of my 2014.

Before I start, I must admit that I didn't post on this blog often but, really, I am not going to abandon this blog. Well, how can I possibly do that when this blog has already recorded my memories since 2008? ;)

My last post is on August 2014 and what happened afterwards... you can catch them on the recap below.
Oh, and to give a little bit different sensation, I'll put up a movie title that I have watched -- and I want to recommend -- on each month; I watched around 35 movies at cinemas this year!

For previous references: 2008 | 2009 | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013

Chapter 1: January
I started 2014 with being kidnapped by some friends. You can read the details here. Touched home at 6AM but left home again at 6PM to have dinner with others.

On page 4 of 365, I had photo shoot session (yes, photo shoot at Taman Menteng) with eMpTy (don't even ask what it means). It was kind of fun and I really liked the results! Thanks 8photoworks for the hard work!

Moving on to page 12 to 15, I went for a trip to Singapore with my Mom. It's been a while since she took a break for vacation so I asked her to go with me, considering it as a belated present for Mother's Day. I managed to meet a very amazing author-friend there also for the second time! Hope to see you soon again, Ila Unnie! ;)

This month, this year, again, people. flood intruded my house and I was trapped for a couple of days. Could be worse but things were okay somehow. On the last page of chapter January, we celebrated Lunar New Year! The details are here.

Movie of January 2014: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Comic 8.

Chapter 2: February
Bandung Trip! Yes, I went to Bandung again for two days. Actually I was supposed to go for an island trip but things went off from the plan, so, well, thanks to Wien for the idea, Jeanette for the assurance, and Matthew for being the easy-going driver! Off to Bandung we went on 22-23 February 2014.

And 3 pages before I ended chapter February, I submitted my first job resignation letter. At the very same day, I also attended the first Meeting Crew, joining a Wedding Organizer as a part-timer. It was a big event but I felt excited to be a part of it!

Oh, and this month I also joined a writing project for the first time by The theme is "Love Never Fails". The result? I'll spoil it out later on the chapter where the announcement was made.

Movie of February 2014: KILLERS.

Chapter 3: March
Page 60, the opening of chapter March, I was at the wedding venue as a crew for the very first time in my life. It would be a lie if I said it's easy and not exhausting but it would be even a bigger lie if I said I didn't enjoy it. I was given another chance to join the team on wedding venue this month.

On this chapter, I closed a timeline with BUMA, the place where I worked as a professional for the first time after I graduated from university. The timeline started on 26 March 2012 and it ended on 28 March 2014. The details could be read here.

And... the announcement of my first writing project was announced this month. I made it to the published list -- it's a self-publisher, for your information. Not in the best list but you can't imagine how I felt when I saw my name. It's just awesome.

Movie of March 2014: The Raid 2.

Chapter 4: April
Let me begin with me going back to my hometown, Medan after more than 22 years. Could I still call it my hometown? I went there on 4 April to 6 April with my Mom but we met up with my Dad and Aunt. Although I didn't manage to go to Lake Toba and Pematang Siantar, I was satisfied with being together with my parents.

On the seventh page of April, I stepped in the new office, STEM. New people, new team, new knowledge. I was assigned for a project at Kalideres and I wasn't sure of everything at that time.

I also tried watching three movies at cinemas in one day during April! It was kind of interesting, in one way and another. I would love to try it again some other time.

On 26 April 2014, I got another announcement of second writing project that I joined in, "Letters of Happiness". The short story is available to read here. I also joined another flash fiction project of "Perempuan Senja"; the flash fiction is available to read here.

Movie of April 2014: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Chapter 5: May
I welcomed my 23 this chapter.

With that, my family got a new family member! Her name is Luna, a smart but too playful Shih-tzu. My Mom was really excited when Matthew brought her home for us. Although, until now, she's not too friendly with Choco, another dog in my house who has stayed here since 2010.

I received the book "Letter of Happiness" that I ordered for myself; it's nice to hold a book where your name is mentioned as the author, you know?

Movie of May 2014: X-Men: Days of Future Past.

Chapter 6: June
In the middle of book 2014, I went to Bandung again but, this time, it's as a part of STEM. We went there for annual work meeting. Those three days were fun, especially when we played the paintball session.

This month I attended my friend's wedding party! We're not very, very close but we were together in HIMSISFO plus the same class during the first semester. I also knew the bride! Congrats to you again, Swandy and Mery!

And I met the founder of Wordpress, Matt Mullenweg, at 3rd Jakarta WordPress MeetUp! It's the first time I became a part of meetup. I wasn't used to it but, believe me, it's worth the night.

Movie of June 2014: Maleficent.

Chapter 7: July
July was not the most crowded chapter in 2014. I had break for a full week in the end of the month (Idul Fitri). Workload was fine and I learned more as months passed, although I am definitely not being great in all aspects.

Personal life-wise, I happened to be a cold, heartless person again. The details would not be provided her but, well, I do remember the details. Anyhow, I learned that understanding people doesn't mean you should let them do whatever they think alright.

I managed to meetup with my best friends since Junior High School! We rarely meetup with complete team so, yeah, I am always happy to gather with them! See you guys soon!

My life was pretty much stable this month but... a new leader was selected officially this month. On 22 July, Joko Widodo was announced as the new President of Indonesia. Hopefully Mr Jokowi and Jusuf Kalla can lead us to a better Indonesia!

Movie of July 2014: Transformers: Age of Extinction.

Chapter 8: August
Ever heard of UBER? No? It's okay. I also just found out about it in this chapter. Everything began at the day before an awarding night. I registered myself to join a writing competition from (yes, I do love how they give chances for amateur writers!). It's a tough competition where I started on May: you must finished a book in a month.

What's the connection with UBER? UBER is one of the sponsors for the event. I tried UBER service on the awarding night and, hey, I was like a kid whom just got the most awesome toy. I even used the application for three times in one day (okay, you can laugh).

This month a friend of mine also shared a great news as she engaged to her beloved boyfriend (now a fiancee). She's one of the closest friends with me at the previous office so I was so happy for her as well.
Movie of August 2014: Guardians of the Galaxy.

Chapter 9: September
This is, sadly, not important, but I had the very first taste of alcohol in this chapter of life. All blame goes to my friends when we had a quick meetup. Some of them had beer and I was half-forced to take a gulp of it. I went for it and... I don't like it. The same feeling how I don't like cheese.

On 13 September, I went to Lotte Shopping Avenue for the first time. What I remember the most is our dinner: we had Padang food at a mall. Not going to try twice, I think; not because of the taste, but more for the price. Yes, I am petty.

A friend of mine, Alvin, who is my groupmate for IS Minor Project and Thesis, got married this month. Congrats to Alvin and Jenny! I remembered that day I went to PIK with others afterwards.

Movie of September 2014: The Maze Runner.

Chapter 10: October
Got to try The Room Escape with Agatha and Denny! It was so fun and thrilling! I really hope I can play it again soon in the early months of 2015. You should try it if you haven't!

I came across my cousin who lived in Netherlands before (she is already married and has two cute kids!). It was a coincidence but I got to link my Dad with her again.

And the most perfect page of this chapter goes to page 293. On 20 October 2014, BEAST released a special mini album, TIME. It's to celebrate their 5th anniversary since debut and I am, without a doubt, satisfied with them.

I also have a page I don't really like though. It's on 26 October when I lost a very precious bookmark. It's from Monica and it had my initial. Ah, I feel sad again just by remembering it.

Movie of October 2014: Rurouni Kenshin: The Legend Ends.

Chapter 11: November
November was a pretty much busy month for me.

I got to meet Mr Dimitri, my Aunt's boyfriend. He's from Greece and I was happy when he said I had good English (I'm still lacking, definitely).

I joined in three events for the Wedding Organizer's events; three weeks in a row!

I went for a Retreat, the final one I should attend before my baptism as a Catholic on 29-30 November 2014.

And I watched a documentary movie at cinema for the first time. It's a concert documentary of One OK Rock, a very awesome Japanese rock band. Thanks to Rurouni Kenshin movies, I found this great band!

Movie of November 2014: Interstellar.

Chapter 12: December
The book is coming to an end.

On the final chapter of 2014, on my favorite month of the year, there's this one page that I really need to highlight. I really want to have a special post for it but putting in on year review is not a bad idea either.

Page 348. 14 December 2014. I was officially baptized as a Catholic, granted a name of Raphaela Erlia Sardizar, derived from Raphael the Archangel. I went through a year and, when the day came, I felt so glad that I chose this path. I am so grateful and proud.

I also got the chance to try 4DX3D for the first time with Jeanette. It's for the last installment of The Hobbit. It's so awesome that I have promised myself to go for another try when The Avengers 2 is out.

I got Monica as my partner for day in 6 December 2014 and Jeanette for the chance to spend the night on. I am so thankful to have them as best friends to spend day with food and chat.Ah, now I want to meet the others too! I also met Chris again after half-year of chatting only. Thanks for the sharing on 28 December!

Oh, oh, oh! And I received my order for Beautiful Show in Seoul 2014 DVD! And I got Yoseob's photocard! You have no idea how excited I was when I opened the box!

Here, I also want to wish you a belated Merry Christmas! I hope all of you have a memorable and joyful Christmas. May peace be with us all the time!

3 pages before the book would be closed, I got another drop of news about me to be involved in a new project, starting mid-January 2015. For your information, my first project is not done yet; it will be finished on February 2015.

Movie of December 2014: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.


Also in this post, I want to express my deepest condolences for all sorrow and sad tragedies happened this year.

For my friends who lost their beloved. For people around the world who faced tragic events in life. For so many accidents: MH370, MH17, Sewol Ferry, QZ8501, and there are still so many sad, heartbreaking news. I pray for better and heartwarming moments in 2015.


In 2014 I tried so many new things and I, with all my honesty, am very glad that I pushed myself to do or try them. Not the smoothest or perfect for sure, but I tried and I experienced new moments.

Went to another country with my Mom only for the first time.
Joined a writing project for the first time.
Got myself to work as a part-timer of Wedding Organizer for the first time.
Returned to my hometown since I was born for the first time.
Decided to have two pets at the same time for the first time.
Attended a meetup event with professional speaker for the first time.
Being cold and heartless again for the first time (after years) -- not a good record, I know.
Tried UBER for the first time.
Tasted alcohol/beer for the first time.
Played The Room Escape for the first time.
Watched a documentary movie on cinema for the first time.
Enjoyed 4DX3D for the first time.

Hopefully I will try more new, better experiences next year!

Anyway as I'm writing this post, it's currently 10 PM (GMT +7) here. Fireworks are bursting outside after rainy afternoon earlier. I am typing while looking for pictures through this year.

I'm going nowhere this year but I will enjoy this last page of 2014 to the fullest, just like how I'm grateful for each page that I have been through this year.

How about you? Hopefully you enjoyed your 2014 and have a wonderful New Year's Eve. :)

Credit for the image(s) goes to the respective owner(s)

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

‡ RIP Robin Williams ‡

This morning I woke up to find a shocking news about Robin Williams.

The most compatible article title that could describe my feeling is probably this.

"Robin Williams can't be dead.
How could Robin Williams, of all people, just stop breathing, moving and, most of all, talking?"

I might not be his biggest fan in the world; I do not watch every movie he starred in but he made my childhood days so much colorful and wonderful. I know that he has so many notable roles but, for me, his role in "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Jumanji" are the most notable ones for me.

And, of course, his voice as the Genie in "Aladdin".

Quoting from somewhere, it was said that Robin Williams was like that uncle you didn’t see often but, when you did, he’d always make you smile and you remembered nothing but good things.

I admit that I didn't follow his track for the past few years but, really, he is definitely, without no doubt, one of my most favorite actors ever. His smile enlightened up my day as if he smiled at me.

I couldn't say much but, with this post, I want to give my deepest condolences for the family that he left and the world for losing a great man. 

"This morning, I lost my husband and my best friend, while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings. I am utterly heartbroken.

On behalf of Robin's family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin's death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions."
- Susan Schneider, wife of Robin Williams

"Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang Peter Pan, and everything in between. But he was one of a kind.

He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit.

He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets."
- President Barack Obama

Last but not least, these are not my words but they reflect what I'm feeling when I read about him battling depression which led to suicide -- according to an article here.
"Robin Williams chose to make other people happy when he wasn't even happy himself and I will always have endless respect for him because of that."

Rest in peace, Robin Williams.

Monday, August 11, 2014

‡ 「Dear You -Kind-」 ‡

Continuation of random (short) drabble inspired by Dear You, OST for Higurashi no Naku Koro ni anime.

Read the previous : -Cry- | -Feel-

Hope you will enjoy the new one of -Kind-



I believe, but in the corner of my mind
There is a shadow of uneasiness 

You promised me that you would wait.

I wanted to believe, but I couldn't. 

The warmth would always stay by me

I was a child who didn't suspect anything
I swallow my tears and bite my lip
So I can laugh that I've gotten stronger 

The messages stopped coming.

The calls never came.
The voice began to fade. 

Whenever I closed my eyes and remembered you, I felt like I wanted to cry.

But I smiled, knowing that you wanted me to be strong.

Please, tell me that the warmth of your hand isn't a lie

Call my name in a gentle voice, don't leave me alone anymore 

Was that a lie when you told me you loved me?

Were those just sweet words when you said you would wait for me?

Call my name.

Stay with me.
Where are you now? 

I've shouted out my wish and prayers

But my voice never reaches

I prayed and prayed.

I wished and wished.
I cried and cried.
But you didn't hear me.

You're too far now that someone else's voice reached you.

Now even though I cannot see you

You're always there for me
Your kindness melts into the sunshine
Happiness never ends, and it stays with me 

I don't know where you are now.

I can't see you anymore now.
I already miss your smile now.

 But my heart remembers everything.
Your smile. Your warmth. Your kindness.

Your everything. 


There are so many things I didn't notice and only realized when it was gone

I want to play on the bed and sleep in your arms

I never realized how much I treasured you.

I never noticed that I couldn't live without you.
I never thought that you would be gone.

I want to be with you again. 


When I meet with you again

Say 'I'm home', smile and pat my head
I'm still dreaming, in this little place
Waiting for the day you'll draw me close

In my dream, you're waiting for me. 

I couldn't believe, but I wanted to.


Friday, August 08, 2014

‡ 「Dear You -Feel-」 ‡

Continuation of random (short) drabble inspired by Dear You, OST for Higurashi no Naku Koro ni anime.

Read the previous : -Cry-

Hope you will enjoy the new one of -Feel-



I didn't tell you about the wound in my heart
And only kneeled down at the approaching pain

It was hurt.

But I would say nothing and just pray.

Two people held the same mind
You and I were one
Something that two people got by becoming one
That wasn't what we had wanted

None of us needed to tell what we were thinking.
Each of us knew what we would say to each other.

We became one just like two sides of a coin.
So close but never saw one another.

It wasn't what we wanted.

The thing that crawled on the dirtied back
Was the sin that had caused the unhealing wound
I can't reach the past days even when I chase it

I was supposed to walk away from you.
You were not belonged together with me.

No matter how far I ran to reach you, I just couldn't.

Please, under the light breeze and sun
Smile like that

As you stood under the sun, I would stand under the moonlight.
You smiled gently with those eyes reflecting love.

Love for someone else.

To protect this warm place
I'll try to change anything
Because we live to make tomorrow
We pursue happiness every day

The memories never faded away.
You had gone to somewhere else but I stayed.
I stayed to try, to change, to live for tomorrow.

For happiness.

Just the thirty-five degrees of heat from your hand
Can make me this strong
I won't shed any tears

If one day you held my hand again then I'd be strong.
Your warmth would be enough and I'd promise you.

I won't cry.

I didn't tell you about the wound in my heart
And only kneeled down at the approaching pain
But as the seasons wait for no one
Let's walk over the pain, onto tomorrow

It was still hurt now.

But I still would say nothing and just pray.


Thursday, August 07, 2014

‡ 「Dear You -Cry-」 ‡

For anyone expecting an article about love after reading the title, then the answer is no.
For anyone wondering why the word '-Cry-' is doing after the sweetest opening 'Dear You', I have prepared the details below.

There is this anime titled Higurashi no Naku Koro ni (ひぐらしのなく頃に / Higurashi When They Cry). I think I watched the series around 6-7 years ago and I really recommend this to everyone; although, for your information, it's not a cheerful, cute, funny anime. Actually it's quite complex and, well, sick.

I'll leave it with the word 'sick'. You'll figure it why if you watch it.

I'm not going to review the anime or spoil anything about it here but there's this one song title I really like. Actually it's not just one song; there are four of them (plus another original mix, so there are five!).

All share the same musical notes but different lyrics and feels.
If you don't know yet, I have tendency to write when I listen to music and this (or these?) song(s) make me want to write while letting myself to disappear in the music.

Shall we start with the -Cry- version first today?
I'll post the English translation here instead of the Romaji lyrics.
It's actually just a drabble; randomly written by a random greedy author.

Hope you will enjoy it.



The steady rising of the scent of summer
I want to feel it next to you

Thirteen years ago.

It was summer.

Those moments that may feel like nothing are
Treasures worth more than jewels
Let this moment be enveloped in soft sunlight
And be protected for always

The sun was setting down as the moon appeared on the sky.
Our footsteps were left on the sand as we walked side by side.
You let your tears rolled as I gave a smile.

In my heart, I was praying that the time would stop eternally.

Even though those days
May be imprisoned in darkness
I'm believing in you
Even though it may be unforgivable

Day by day. Night by night.
Flowers bloomed. Summer breeze gone. Leaves fell. Snowflakes melted.
You wanted to forget but couldn't.

Please stay shining
Stay and smile here for always

I'm sorry. I'll go.

You kept saying that. You always wrote that. You never stopped thinking that.
Just shine. Just stay. Just smile.

Please don't cry
Please listen to me
Please don't be afraid, I won't do anything
I'll cry with you, for you
Please, don't be scared

It's okay.

I had forgiven you. I'd cry with you. I'd be there for you.
Please listen to me. Please don't be afraid. Please be here.

The cry of the summer
Drowns out my voice
Even a small bit is alright, please don't cry
I'll forgive you, please don't cry

So far yet I still could hear you cry.
Too dark but I still wanted you to shine.
Broken and fragile.

You're forgiven.

The cicadas say it's too late
But I still reach out to you
Please believe in me
I want to say, "You don't have to cry anymore"

I was still reaching out to you.

It was summer again today.


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

‡ Society for Us ‡

I just read something this afternoon and, after I read it, I gave it a thought.
Just a little, I guess, but I felt the urge to post a blog about it.
Considering how long I've been absent from posting here, I guess it's worth to write.

Ever heard of the encouraging quote "just be yourself"?
Or perhaps "don't give a damn of what people think about you", "be original", or just simply "be you!"?
I read those words here and there.
Not that I'm saying they are no good because, yes, they serve their objectives well: to encourage people.

Me, too, is no different. I like those words.
I have a very low self-esteem despite putting pride as my highest mistake most of the times (trust me, I'm trying my best to get rid of this lack of confidence, but, well, things take time).

If people ask me what I'm good at, I don't know the answer.
I can cook but it's just so-so. I can speak English but it's at the average state. I can write but never produce anything very good. I have a work but I can't learn very fast like the others. I'm just an average person at every field I do.
A good friend told me that it's my strength; knowing so many fields and work them because not everyone could do it but, then again, my negative thinking always takes afterwards.

What does it have to do with the quote "just be yourself"?

they told her she was ugly
so she believed it
(even though she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes upon)

they told her she was loud
so she stopped speaking
(even though her wise words commanded my attention)

they told her she was dumb
so she stopped thinking
(even though she had the most brilliant and curious mind I have ever encountered)

they told her she had no talent
so she stopped having fun
(even though she could light up an entire room with her energy)

they told her she was lazy
so she stopped sleeping
(even though her life was the nightmare)

they told her she was too quiet
so she made small talk
(even though the voices in her head never ceased to quiet)

they told her she was too sad
so she faked another smile
(even though she was far from being happy)

they told her she wasn't enough
so she became nothing
(even though she was everything to me)

In my opinion, no matter how many times we remind ourselves that we just need to be original, to ignore the words of disagreement and all, we live in a world of different people.
We live in a society which has many different opinions; some might like us and some might don't because we can't make everyone happy.

After all, we, human beings, are social creatures.

We thrive in community.
We connect with one another.
We see what we don't have in others.
We understand about what we don't know from them.
We talk about ourselves to them.
We listen to their words.

True that everything returns to us again; whether you want to agree with them or just ignore their thoughts.
Then again, will it ever stop?

Society does have big impacts in our lives.

Every word, even the little talk, might affect someone else; for better or for worse.

"Your sister is prettier than you."
"You talked too much. Can you shut up?"
"How can you be so stupid?"
"Can you do anything right?"
"Do something useful, you lazy head!"
"Talk about something. Don't be an anti-social."
"You're too gloomy and melancholy."
"You can't do anything better than him."

Those words could just pass some people but those exactly some words might leave scars on others, as if the world couldn't accept them the way they are.
I'm not going to say I am a saint who never hurt other by words because, even though I don't realize it, I'm sure I have done that and I'm not proud of it.
Nevertheless, I want to avoid hurting others because I know how painful it feels. Like I said, it could leave scars.

Words hurt.
They don't make you bleed. They don't give you visible scars.
But they are painful when we are fed up with hurting, cutting words.

It's alright to give criticism but, remember, criticize with understanding.
You give input for make someone better, not the otherwise.
Everyone has good in them.

We're definitely not perfect but we need to try to be the best for ourselves.
Sometimes it's funny how society tells us to be ourselves yet they tell us that it's the 'wrong' way to be ourselves; really, God loves us the way we are, so love yourself too.
It's okay to make mistake. It's okay to be different. It's okay to listen to people. It's okay to change to be better for others.

But, like a quote said, don't just be good to others.

Be good to yourself too.


credit for the image(s) goes to the original owner(s)