Ministry of Zero

It was never me.

When we met for the first time and he told me his name, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

I thought it was the beginning of one forever happiness and he thought of me as a special girl.

It was never me.

When he looked for me at night, asking what I was doing, bringing up random topic between us.

I thought it's a way how he wanted us to know each other better, because I was a special one.

It was never me.

When he asked me to watch a movie together just out of boredom.

I thought my heart would stop beating when he laughed at how random he was to invite me all of a sudden that I couldn't stop to wonder if he saw me the way I saw him.

It was never me.

When he told me about what made him mad or sad.

I thought it's because he believed me more than everyone, knowing that he was not an extrovert person.

It was never me.

When he agreed to meet up with me on Christmas' Eve, to have a dinner and watch a movie together.

I thought it was a special date, between him and someone who was irreplaceable for him.

But it was never me.

When he started to talk about this girl.

When he smiled just by telling me her name.

When he told me everything about her.

When he said he would go on a date with her next week.

When he blushed slightly upon my question.

"Do you love her?"

It was never me.

I smiled. I faked happy laughter. I cheered him up. I gave my best luck.

Because it was never me.

Until the day I met this one guy who made me realize something.

It was never me.

Who didn't belong to him.

Who didn't mean to be with him.

Who shouldn't stay with him.

Who couldn't make him happy.

Who would be his one and only.

It was never him who belonged with me.

It was never him who meant to be with me.

It was never him who should stay with me.

It was never him who could make me happy.

It was never him who would be my one and only.

It was you.

Being random and I just wrote down whatever I had in mind.

Oh no, I'm not falling in love with someone at the moment.

It's more like... falling out of love.

Well, it's almost Valentine's Day but, well, let's just say I'm currently healing my heart.

Like what I stated in my older post here, I would never stop loving anyone but, perhaps, the level had stopped to increase.

That would be the best statement to describe it.

It would be a lie to say it didn't hurt when the one you really cared about didn't see you the way you saw them.

But to know that they are happy, it feels really good.

Anyway, what I'm trying to point out from the random words above is the fact that you might think your world has collided when this one person break your heart.

However, one day, you would realize that everything happens for a reason.

On the day you understand that hearts are made to be loved.

Have you gone through that day?

Credit goes to here

"Someone asked me why I am so nice to people who treat me bad, and I didn't know the answer.
Then during class, I looked around after finishing my test and realized why.

I looked at the boy who made fun of my inability to do math, and his head was on the desk and he looked tired. I know he played in the band, so he had to be at school early, and I wondered if he had something at home keeping him up or maybe it was the amount of class work teachers assigned.

I looked at the girl who returned my hellos by snapping her gum and twisting her hair. I knew her and her boyfriend broke up, and I wondered how hard it must be to have everyone concerned in your business. He could probably a jerk, and I knew that she only acted dumb in class so people would like her.

And I thought about the boy in PE who picked me last for teams, how he squinted at his paper and furrowed his eyebrows. It must be a lot of work always practicing, and then also having to get good grades and go to college.

And then there was also the girl who everyone thought was a bitch, but little did she know I saw the scars on her wrist.

And then there is the girl who is always reading, and I wonder what she gets from those books or if she is running from something.

And there is this boy who always wears that shirt and I know his shoes have holes in them because when it rains he complains about wet socks, and I wonder if his parents work hard for him or if they drink a lot and I wonder if he feels outcasted because he has so little.

And the other boy who just moved here from Mexico, and he doesn't speak a lot of English, and I can only imagine how confused he is. I can't imagine learning this stuff in a new language.

And even the teacher. I noticed he wasn't wearing his ring today. Maybe he is giving us more work and more homework because he wants us to do better than he did.

The point is, I look at all these people and realize that they have their own troubles and their own demons, and the last thing I want to do is add to them.

It's a lot of pressure growing up, and no matter what anyone says...

...none of us have it easy."

I read the post from Tumblr around fifteen minutes ago.

It's enough to make me have the urge to post something here.

Have you ever done a simple act of kindness towards someone else for no reason?
That when somebody asked you why you did that, you didn't really have an answer for the question.

It's completely humane that you don't like someone else, that you dislike what they do, that you can't help but to wonder why they act that way, that they don't understand you at all when you have a bad day.

But have you ever wondered if they also have bad days? Perhaps even worse than you. What if they are facing harder battle than you in life but they don't look like ones?

No one would really know what kind of life struggle we're facing but it's not an excuse to blame someone else.

Therefore I always believe, giving a smile is one of the best way to support everyone who is fighting their own battles, to let them know that they are not alone.

Why?

Because...

...we're all the same. Doing our best to the fullest.

Credit goes to here and here

Time flies.

It feels like I just wrote my first post in 2013 here days ago but, hey, a month has passed.

Welcome, February 2013, second month of this new year.

Do you have any idea what will you do in February?

February.

Chinese New Year. Valentine's Day. Birthdays.

Then March will come within days, even before I could realize it perhaps.

This month started with some surprising news from here and there.

Regarding work stuff, personal life, and future plan.

Actually I think one of my best friends stated such a true opinion about me.

"You think too much."

It is true that we need to think before we act,

but, sometimes, I think too much that I don't do anything and, in the end, I regret everything.

Such a ridiculous idea but it is true.

For me, at least.

I'm actually wondering what kind of more surprising stuff that can happen in the end of this month.

Whether it's bad or good, all I need to do is be grateful and live my life the fullest.

How about you? ;)

Credit goes to here