Ministry of Zero

Today is the last day of February 2013.

It feels like I just wrote my first blog post a week ago but, actually, two months have passed. Ah, time flies, doesn't it?

So, New Year is long gone, January has closed the curtain, the Chinese New Year on February 10 has passed, and Valentine's Day has kissed its goodbye.

We're going to face March pretty soon and, I believe, many surprises are awaiting for us.

What's up with my title?

It's just random topic in mind but I'll try to write it my best to entertain you. I hope so. It's about my opinion and what famous quotations stated.

On March 2, probably I will attend a wedding party of my colleague with my partner.

I'm currently twenty-one years old now; gonna be twenty-two in less than three months though.

Most of my friends already have lovers or, if I might say, their possible partners-in-life.

This fact actually leads question from some old acquaintances here and there, implying that I'm on a state where I should have a candidate as well.

Some quotes stated that love would come when the time was right, but I guess when you just sat still and waited, you had no right to complaint if your expectation didn't fulfill your wishes.

The thing here is I don't have the urge to dive in lovey dovey stuff.

No, it's not a bad thing. It's not that I have trauma or else. It's just that I don't feel it's the right time. Yet.

Sure, I will be attacked by the words 'you'll never know if you don't try' or 'if you don't have the right time, then make it'. I agree with those sentences but I also think that there are times when you're not supposed to force yourself in doing what you don't believe in.

I'm not a kid anymore but I'm still young enough to think carefully about my future. I don't want to rush myself; I'll take my time but, of course, I'm not supposed to waste my time either.

On March 9, I will go to attend Music Bank in Jakarta with one of my best friends.

Some would probably say I just waste my money for temporary entertainment like the popular K-Pop wave around nowadays.

I'm not going to defend myself with words like 'you don't know me', 'it's my hobby, so what?', or 'it's my life so screw you'.

As my alibi, here's one. People have their own choices to make themselves happy.

You may spend your time with books, catch up with movies, shop with friends, enjoy fancy dinner with lovers, go out of the country with family, or else.

It's a necessary that you need to make yourself enjoy your life in a way you can and I choose one of these hobbies of mine as the choice: supporting my idols by attending their concert.

People will not believe if I say the idols have changed my life but it's true and I know it is.

I got to know many new friends, I learned life lessons, and I understood what I should never understood before.

But, well, I guess I just want to have fun?

On March 26, it will mark one year since I started to work in my current company.

It is true that I'm one of lucky persons out there to have a permanent job with good friends around. The office is near from my house and the salary is good as well.

However I'm not going to lie by saying I really love my job or it's the best thing I experience. Because it's not.

I don't fall in love with it. Not even for the slightest.

Please note that it doesn't mean I don't do my job sincerely. I do my best with whatever I can because it's my job.

It's not that the job is bad but I guess my passion is just not in this place.

I read somewhere before that it's not impossible to make 'what you love - your passion' as your job. However I also read the opposite topic that 'do what you love' is a really bad advice career.

I actually must agree with both articles.

When you don't love your job, there is this part of you which doesn't feel satisfied with everything. Something is missing and you have no idea how to fill the emptiness.

Oh, yes, I am suffering it as well.

However it is also true that 'passion is not something you follow'. One said 'passion is something that will follow you as you put in the hard work to become valuable to the world'. And it makes sense, right?

Future is a really important thing and so does your passion but, well, career passions are rare.

Just because you love it, doesn't really mean you can live with it as your root of life. It's possible but there's no kind of scientific formula for the result.

What I'm trying to say here is I don't regret this job I have now. I'm very grateful despite the fact I'm not having my dream job.

Why?

Simply because I know there are so many things I still don't understand and I must know them in times. Teamwork, interpersonal skill, communication, leadership, and so many to mention.

How could I think like that?

Because Information System is also not my favorite choice to have as a major during college days but, if I didn't go on with it, I would never met all people in HIMSISFO, people who had changed my life so much.

That's why I know these moments are moments I need to treasure.

One day I will look back and be thankful for having this job.

Hopefully when I have my dream job...?

;)

How about you?

Anyway, I want to give a very happy birthday greeting to Valentcia Trifonia who celebrates her twenty-third birthday today!

Thanks for being a really good friend for me.

I wish you all the best in life and may happiness be your best companion.

God bless you.

credit goes to here and here and here and here

 

 

As a starter for this blog post, I'm going to state that I had been quite curious with this movie for a while. I don't really remember when I saw the trailer for the first time but somehow curiosity stayed in me.

However the movie wasn't played on cinemas in my country so I just let it slipped away and, all of coincidences, I saw that it would be on television.

I have two reasons to watch this movie.

The first one is Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock are cast as the parents. The second is it actually brought up the September 11 attacks incident.

Just for an intermezzo, the September 11 attacks, or sometimes referred as 9/11, are series of terrorist attacks upon the United States in New York City and the Washington, D.C. areas on September 11, 2001.

The World Trade Center collapsed that day.

Almost 3000 people died in the attacks and the damage was horrible. The news broke out worldwide and I was only ten years old at the moment and, to be honest, I didn't really pay attention.

However, as I grew up and learned to know about world issues, I came to wonder why these terrible incidents could happen, to care more about the world even just for the slightest, and not to close my ears from the bad news around.

Now, go to the movie itself, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, this two-hour-movie delivered quite a simple storyline but interesting enough for me. If you don't like drama, you probably will not really into this movie.

With Oskar Schell, the nine-year-old protagonist, who lost his father, Thomas Schell, during the September 11 attack, the movie started with flashbacks, showing that Oskar was curious about almost everything.

He was smart but not an extrovert kid. When he accidentally broke a blue vase in his father's closet, he found a key in an envelope with the word "Black" on it.

Oskar then secretly planned to meet every person with "Black" as their family names, total 427 Blacks, to find what the key fits because, he wanted to believe, it's his father's last message for him.

To make it short, I was amazed by this movie for a simple message delivered by the moments Oskar met new people during his 'journey'.

It's all up to you if you want to tell your stories or want to listen to others'.

It might be a fun story or a sad one, or maybe it's just a general but it could be inspirational or even tragic story.

I also reminded that words could hurt you so much, especially when they came from someone you really cared about.

For example, Oskar actually said to his mother, due to his emotional state, that he wished it was her in the building instead of his father.

Could you even imagine if your beloved one said that to you?

However I also should remember that silence could heal your heart.

In this movie, Oskar met a mysterious man who didn't talk because of his childhood trauma of his parents' death in World War II. He communicated through written notes and he didn't really talk about his own opinion but, he became a really good companion for Oskar.

He listened to him and did what he could do for the boy and it's all what Oskar needed.

In the end, not everything you wants to happen will be a happy ending but, like what a famous quotation said,

It's not about the destination. It's about the journey.

If you open up your mind, there are lessons you should learn during your life journey.

The question is... will you try to listen and start to tell your stories as well?

credit goes to here and here and here

It was never me.

When we met for the first time and he told me his name, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

I thought it was the beginning of one forever happiness and he thought of me as a special girl.

It was never me.

When he looked for me at night, asking what I was doing, bringing up random topic between us.

I thought it's a way how he wanted us to know each other better, because I was a special one.

It was never me.

When he asked me to watch a movie together just out of boredom.

I thought my heart would stop beating when he laughed at how random he was to invite me all of a sudden that I couldn't stop to wonder if he saw me the way I saw him.

It was never me.

When he told me about what made him mad or sad.

I thought it's because he believed me more than everyone, knowing that he was not an extrovert person.

It was never me.

When he agreed to meet up with me on Christmas' Eve, to have a dinner and watch a movie together.

I thought it was a special date, between him and someone who was irreplaceable for him.

But it was never me.

When he started to talk about this girl.

When he smiled just by telling me her name.

When he told me everything about her.

When he said he would go on a date with her next week.

When he blushed slightly upon my question.

"Do you love her?"

It was never me.

I smiled. I faked happy laughter. I cheered him up. I gave my best luck.

Because it was never me.

Until the day I met this one guy who made me realize something.

It was never me.

Who didn't belong to him.

Who didn't mean to be with him.

Who shouldn't stay with him.

Who couldn't make him happy.

Who would be his one and only.

It was never him who belonged with me.

It was never him who meant to be with me.

It was never him who should stay with me.

It was never him who could make me happy.

It was never him who would be my one and only.

It was you.

Being random and I just wrote down whatever I had in mind.

Oh no, I'm not falling in love with someone at the moment.

It's more like... falling out of love.

Well, it's almost Valentine's Day but, well, let's just say I'm currently healing my heart.

Like what I stated in my older post here, I would never stop loving anyone but, perhaps, the level had stopped to increase.

That would be the best statement to describe it.

It would be a lie to say it didn't hurt when the one you really cared about didn't see you the way you saw them.

But to know that they are happy, it feels really good.

Anyway, what I'm trying to point out from the random words above is the fact that you might think your world has collided when this one person break your heart.

However, one day, you would realize that everything happens for a reason.

On the day you understand that hearts are made to be loved.

Have you gone through that day?

Credit goes to here

"Someone asked me why I am so nice to people who treat me bad, and I didn't know the answer.
Then during class, I looked around after finishing my test and realized why.

I looked at the boy who made fun of my inability to do math, and his head was on the desk and he looked tired. I know he played in the band, so he had to be at school early, and I wondered if he had something at home keeping him up or maybe it was the amount of class work teachers assigned.

I looked at the girl who returned my hellos by snapping her gum and twisting her hair. I knew her and her boyfriend broke up, and I wondered how hard it must be to have everyone concerned in your business. He could probably a jerk, and I knew that she only acted dumb in class so people would like her.

And I thought about the boy in PE who picked me last for teams, how he squinted at his paper and furrowed his eyebrows. It must be a lot of work always practicing, and then also having to get good grades and go to college.

And then there was also the girl who everyone thought was a bitch, but little did she know I saw the scars on her wrist.

And then there is the girl who is always reading, and I wonder what she gets from those books or if she is running from something.

And there is this boy who always wears that shirt and I know his shoes have holes in them because when it rains he complains about wet socks, and I wonder if his parents work hard for him or if they drink a lot and I wonder if he feels outcasted because he has so little.

And the other boy who just moved here from Mexico, and he doesn't speak a lot of English, and I can only imagine how confused he is. I can't imagine learning this stuff in a new language.

And even the teacher. I noticed he wasn't wearing his ring today. Maybe he is giving us more work and more homework because he wants us to do better than he did.

The point is, I look at all these people and realize that they have their own troubles and their own demons, and the last thing I want to do is add to them.

It's a lot of pressure growing up, and no matter what anyone says...

...none of us have it easy."

I read the post from Tumblr around fifteen minutes ago.

It's enough to make me have the urge to post something here.

Have you ever done a simple act of kindness towards someone else for no reason?
That when somebody asked you why you did that, you didn't really have an answer for the question.

It's completely humane that you don't like someone else, that you dislike what they do, that you can't help but to wonder why they act that way, that they don't understand you at all when you have a bad day.

But have you ever wondered if they also have bad days? Perhaps even worse than you. What if they are facing harder battle than you in life but they don't look like ones?

No one would really know what kind of life struggle we're facing but it's not an excuse to blame someone else.

Therefore I always believe, giving a smile is one of the best way to support everyone who is fighting their own battles, to let them know that they are not alone.

Why?

Because...

...we're all the same. Doing our best to the fullest.

Credit goes to here and here

Time flies.

It feels like I just wrote my first post in 2013 here days ago but, hey, a month has passed.

Welcome, February 2013, second month of this new year.

Do you have any idea what will you do in February?

February.

Chinese New Year. Valentine's Day. Birthdays.

Then March will come within days, even before I could realize it perhaps.

This month started with some surprising news from here and there.

Regarding work stuff, personal life, and future plan.

Actually I think one of my best friends stated such a true opinion about me.

"You think too much."

It is true that we need to think before we act,

but, sometimes, I think too much that I don't do anything and, in the end, I regret everything.

Such a ridiculous idea but it is true.

For me, at least.

I'm actually wondering what kind of more surprising stuff that can happen in the end of this month.

Whether it's bad or good, all I need to do is be grateful and live my life the fullest.

How about you? ;)

Credit goes to here